Who finds it pleasant to think about their children being raised by someone else? No one. However, if you don’t tell the court who to appoint as guardian, then a judge you do not know, and who does not know your family, will decide for you. Would your child prefer to have a stranger make that decision? No. This choice is yours to make. Get paper, a pen, and try this approach.
- List everyone who is a possibility as guardian, even a remote possibility. This might include friends. Single people. People with no kids. People with grown kids. People who live far away.
- Next, take the Value Majority test. List five values that are most important to you, and choose candidates from your list who share at least three of these values with you. This is my partial values list as an example to get you started: parenting style; attitude about education, work, money; faith, religion practices, beliefs; social values; attitude about closeness with family, friends.
Now you should have a list of people who rank as good candidates. You should choose at least three. What if you have several people who meet the test and make good candidates, but you wish to shorten your list? Here are some of my observations. First, it can be disruptive to uproot children from everything that is familiar to them, so if Joe lives in your area but Jane lives across the country, choose Joe. Second, a court might not approve a person you designate who has a history involving alcohol or drug addiction, or a criminal record, even if they do share three out of five of your values. Third, please do not name married couples. Divorce happens to the seemingly best couples, and you do not want your child caught up in a custody battle. If Mike and Carol Brady both share your values and made your list, choose one as guardian, the other as successor guardian. Fourth, choose candidates who are likely to keep your children in touch with your family.
Trying this approach should result in at least a few guardian possibilities. This issue is difficult to think about, but thinking about it is exactly what needs done.
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to get started on a will to name your guardians.